We open with Monique and Bachie Matt dressed in leather and ready to go for a Sunday drive in a Ferrari. They end up at a local airport where they’ll be doing some Red Baron-type adventure in a plane. They get briefed on how it’ll be 8g’s of force on their body and that the spinning could end in stomach upset.
I mean… I don’t know about you, but I firmly believe all first dates should always have the possibility of ending in vomit. That’s the true test of a relationship.
I mean, in sickness and in health, AMIRITE?
Our two high flyers retreat to a couch and chat for a while and while there is some chemistry I’m all, “where is Elly? Bring back Elly.” Bachie hands her a rose and they have a pash.
Elly – you deserve better. Matt, keep your lips to yourself.
Okay, we’re on a group date where all the Instagram models attending this shindig get to try their hand at actual modelling for…. TV Week.
Okay, they’re recreating fairy tales like Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella etc. Mary isn’t impressed with being buttoned up Cinderella and instead decides to turn this into a scene from a College Movie involving a Halloween party.
Okay, Sogand and Matt share a moment and the other girls decide to up their game.
Cassandra (who?) rocks up to play Juliet to Matt’s Romeo.
Sidebar for a Kim Rant:
Romeo and Juliet is the WORST piece of absolute nonsense I’ve ever read. I’m just here to remind everyone that this is a tale where both teenagers end up dead after knowing each other for ONE DAY, deciding they are SOUL MATES and then KILLING themselves because why? Oh that’s right, parents.
Seriously. Just no.
Anyway, we’re back at pouting central and it’s a lot of this,
So, you know, cool.
Wow. Okay. We’re straight into the cocktail party and – Oh hold up. DAMN! OSHER!!!
Osher has arrive to explain what is about to happen. Essentially one girl gets some alone time with Matt at tonight’s cocktail party. BUT it’s between two girls – Sogand and Abbey. BUT TWIST! The other girls have to vote on which girls gets the alone time.
This is some straight up Survivor shizz. 14 girls vote for Abbey and just like that she gets the alone time. Uh-oh. Abbey and Matt are spending their entire time pashing and I feel like a school marm yelling at the screen.
Abbey returns and all of the girls realise that she’s spent the entire time making out with “their boyfriend” and are filled with immediate regret.
Meanwhile, our heroine of the series, Elly, is like;
Elly: “And I’m really happy that they had a lovely time together.”
Bless her heart.
Wait. What is happening? How are we here right now? What???
Ugh. I was expecting a complete fall out and all I got was
Okay, Abbey got a rose and Monique has a rose which means that the rest of the girls are up for elimination.
Let’s be honest. By this stage I’d be getting ready to go home. I’d be so tired of interacting with other people and having to brush my hair and actually wear something other than leggings and eating kale. Because you know that’s all they’re feeding them, kale and half a slice of avocado toast.
Anyway, one woman is going home so let’s get into it!
Emma gets a rose.
Nikki is safe. What??
Elly (yay!) gets a rose.
Mary, Nichol and Chelsie are safe.
Cassandra (who?) is safe.
Julia and Sogand are safe.
Our Chinese Correspondent, Kristen, is safe.
Rachael and Brianna are safe.
Helena is safe.
That leaves Vakoo and some woman I’ve literally never seen until this moment.
Vakoo, of course, is safe.
Which means Isabelle is going home.
Until next week!