Okay, we open tonights episode with a single date card! Ooh! It involves Blind folds! I know exactly what’s about to happen!
Emma is handed the single date card and we see her turn into stage five clinger within 0.12 seconds.
Oh. Oh no. This date is horrible. HORRIBLE! The blind fold is for a blind taste test which requires your partner (in this case Matt) to feed you.
Emma understandably freaks out about everything being put in her mouth and that includes truffle so I am totally with her.
Alright, I think I must be watching the wrong show because Matt is GUSHING about how amazing this date is and how amazing Emma is…?
He hasn’t kissed her, they haven’t spoken about much of anything except how much she wants to get married and… that’s it. This is no Elly or Chelsie giddy date with intellectual connection.
Alright, she gets a rose and that’s that.
Alright so this is a group date that involves everyone. Apparently it’s a “fun game” that involves the women individually ranking themselves on traits.
We start off with selfishness vs selflessness. Top five are our real top five – our Chinese Correspondent Kristen, Nurse Elly, Helena who IVF’d an oyster, Stage Five Clinger Emma and our Winner Chelsie (we all know she’s winning this thing). They all get roses and become a… panel?
Okay, I don’t really understand what the panel is meant to do. Anyways, the remaining girls are fighting it out for a rose via a similar competition. They have to put themselves in order of first to least.
No problem. First question, “how fun are you?”
Abbie and Rachael end up down the bottom and lose their collective mind about the fact they shouldn’t be at that end of the spectrum.
“THIS IS NOT FAIR YOU GUYS! WE’RE SO FUN! WE’RE THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE THAT EVER FUNNED!!”
I mean… you’re definitely proving how fun you are by screaming it at people and totally making this a pain-free and completely chill event…
Ah. The purpose of the panel has just been revealed. They’re keeping everyone honest by writing the name on the blackboard of the person who is least like the question…
You guys, I can’t in good conscious recap this moment. It’s essentially women judging other women based on their supposed lack of a trait. I’m not in for this. It’s degrading and I say that as someone who once considered applying for the Bachelor because I love it so much even though I’m happily married #secondhusband #twicethehusbandshalfthechores #someonewillalwaystakeoutthebins
Long story short, Abbie gets another rose and then we move onto the cocktail party.
Rose Ceremony/Cocktail Party
Tonight’s cocktail party is basically just a bunch of women running around trying to get a rose because the producers have changed it up and it’s Matt handing out roses throughout the night after chatting with each woman rather than at the Rose Ceremony.
This is super awkward. We’re down to Nikki and Brianna. Brianna has an awkward encounter with Matt and he bids her farewell.
And that’s our show. I guess…. see you tomorrow night. Hopefully it will be less mean and more back to the normal amusing.